The idea of taking your mini Jedi apprentices on vacation seems like a fantastic idea. The vision one has is that of near perfection. The meals are close to godliness, the pictures we take as Jedi parents are perfect and could be used as magazine covers, everyone is laughing and enjoying every moment of the trip…
My wife and I decided to take the two little padawans on a fun/mind blowing adventure in our Millennium Falcon. The plan was to hit the zoo right after the 4-hour drive, eat, then check into our quarters and rest up. The next day was to take the padawans to the children’s museum for most the day ending the day with some swimming and an old fashion cookout. Mix in some Disney songs sung by “yours truly” and some great food stops, this trip was near perfection.
Explosions… Not The TIE Fighters Type.
We thought we took all safety precautions before we took off from our home. Everything from food, drinks and diapers were packed, Yoda was house sitting, our personal x-wing escort was scheduled, everything was a done deal. We had fueled up (gotten coffee) got breakfast for the kids, and I turned on my audible book and we were about halfway to our destination when we smelled it. This smell was no fuel leak nor was it Chewy’s morning breath. It was something straight from the trash compacter that Luke, Leia, Chewy, and Han went through while saving Leia from the first Death Star. My companion looked at me and asked me if I could smell it, of course I could. It came from the youngest seated right behind me. I responded as Han did, out of annoyance “Oh, wow, what an incredible smell you discovered…”. It was just our luck that there was zero rest stops during this stretch and absolutely no fast exits. Nausea kicked in, and a cracked window did entirely nothing in the next couple minutes. Our safety gas masked had somehow vanished and we were stuck, with “My little Pony’s” blaring from our ship to a sleeping stink bomb that just got worse the longer she slept. Finally, an exit, we pulled into the first gas station and checked the damage. “Dear God…” My partner said. “It’s everywhere, hands, hair, near her mouth, HOW could it have leaked out like this? This is worse than anything the Empire could have come up with.” I agreed with her, glad I wasn’t the one hands deep in the mess, that’s what happens when you’re the “first responder.” I came up with the great idea to go get an air freshener, it was needed, this smell needed to be terminated once the damage was cleaned. Thankfully we saved the car seat and the youngest padawan
Zoo- Wild Creatures
Normally zoo’s, in my opinion are fun. The rare creatures one sees while walking around that normally aren’t from this planet. But not this day. It was as hot as the sun, more than likely hotter. Remember when Anakin was struck down by Obi Wan on the planet Mustafar, and while Anakin is laying there the fire lava is getting closer and closer and finally reaches him and catches Anakin on fire, causing him fully to change over to the dark side and turning him into Darth Vader… Yeah, that’s how hot it was…
Also, let’s talk about the loving, cute, adorable creatures that we were there to see, oh that’s right, EVEN THE CREATURES were like “NOPE” on this day and literally couldn’t be found at any exhibit. Oh, but when you did finally catch sight of one, the look on the animal’s face was that of pure anger and annoyance. I might have seen maybe one monkey, maybe.
Museum- Ancient Artifacts
This was a good time, I saw relics from the history of the Clone Wars, the Rebel Uprising, and the kids had fun of course. This museum was huge, four or five levels of exploring, not including the basement with the dinosaurs. After a couple hours of walking, not even about 10% done with exploring and observing everything, my wife and I looked around and saw the fellow parents. I realized there are three different types of individuals here and at the zoo from the previous day.
There are the “Let’s get this done” people. These individuals are the ones who have the kids strapped down on them or on something, moving fast and controlling their young like no other. Normally one steps aside for them due to them not even thinking about stopping and wouldn’t even hesitate to run others over.
Then there are the “slow people” normally walking at a pace that is just in everyone’s way. These people have no idea what they are doing or where they are going and when they stop to read descriptions of artifacts they stop right in the middle of the already tight area, then look at you like you’re in their way when you are trying to walk by. However, The slow people are nothing compared to the final group of individuals.
I can’t even think of a name to describe this third group. Not only do they stop and read everything in the middle of the corridor, but they also stop and have full on discussions with random citizens just trying to get to the restrooms. “Oh, hi there! I see you have a little one having a mental breakdown due to the overload of pure FUN, but let’s stop and talk about how amazing this dinosaur replica is shall we? Oh, I’m in your way, well how rude!” These people are also the same ones who will plan what they want to eat later that day while standing in middle of the chaos. My wife looked at me, annoyed of her surroundings and said, “There needs to be lanes! This is ridicules!!! I’m going to say something, this is just rude…” She didn’t but I’m sure she felt better to get that off her chest.
She is right however, like the interstate, there are lanes. Is it really that bad of an idea to purpose at zoos and museums? The fast lane on the left are for those “get this done” type, the right lane for the people who are walking at that annoying slow pace, the pace that you can’t even pass. And the right lane for the individuals who don’t even know where their kids are while discussing dinner ideas, and still can’t even agree on that. And the middle lane for those who are walking at a decent and observant pace. I think she is on to something with the lane idea.
Overall!? A Blast!
All in all the kids had fun and the food was great. I finished one of my books while the wife started another one herself. The pictures turned out, some captured minor meltdowns and attitudes while others nailed the moments perfectly. The trip was a success for the kids and the wife and I. It was a fun way to watch the little padawans learn about the universe around them and a fun way to celebrate our 8th year married. We can’t imagine celebrating our anniversary without the free entertainment of our little padawans running around us.